Monday, November 8, 2010

D Life Revisited


Like a butterfly I had always known,
That I loved it when the wind had blown,
Across my face and ruffling my hair,
Making me soar, higher up in the air.
I had grown up living life on my own terms,
Like a tree; benevolent, upright and firm.
Friends told me I had to curb my way(s),
And mellow my heart which sang aloud like a jay.
They said the corporate world was big and bad,
And people wouldn't think twice before making me sad;
It is a maze, it is a race,
They shouted all day long in my face.
I wished and prayed that life was always fun;
And then, I was chosen by the Number One.

"I am sorry bro; you did not make it to the final round of interviews." These words kept ringing in my ears on the night of January 22nd, 2010 at around 10:00 p.m. when the results of the first round of interviews for Deloitte were declared by the placement representative of my college (IBS Hyderabad). After two years of MBA, three months of grueling placement preparation, two days of multiple online tests and after eight hours of waiting for my interview I had been rejected yet again. This time by the company about which I had heard a lot from my seniors and friends of how they encourage talent, I had read blogs about their culture and integrity and I had started harboring hopes and day dreaming of being a part of it after clearing the initial rounds of online assessments.
I went blank for a while, then called up mom and told her that the dream seemed to be over. She comforted me and I trudged back towards my room in the Boys Hostel with a heavy heart and leaden footsteps. My friends who met me on the way were saying words of encouragement but I couldn’t hear them. I seemed to be far, far away from everyone. I reached my room and I prayed to God and was contemplating what to do next when my cell phone rang. On the other end was the placement coordinator asking me to get dressed and reach the placement cell as soon as possible. In the same breath, he informed me that there had been a mistake and my name actually figured on the list of people who had made it to the next round of interviews and hurriedly disconnected the call. I didn’t know how to react. Disbelief, happiness, anxiety, nervousness, suspicion that it might be a prank and hope were just some of the emotions which flooded my mind at that instance of time. I rushed back, was interviewed and was hired at 04:00 a.m. in the morning. I usually stay awake into the wee hours of the morning but I can vouch that in my entire life I have never been as happy as I was on that day at that unearthly hour. I returned to my room this time craving to meet my friends on the way back but alas everyone was fast asleep. Thus, began my foray into the corporate world and my journey with the ‘Biggest of the Big Four, Deloitte’.
Days, weeks and months flew by and the D-Day, 28th of June, 2010 arrived. To say that I was longingly looking forward for this day to dawn would be an understatement. The desire to join office, meet my buddy and actually get to experience the feeling of being part of Deloitte was literally killing me. E-mails and telephone calls from the HR department and the on-boarding team asking for details and pre-hire formalities to be completed only added to the frenzy of it all and by the time the bus gathered us, the new hires, from the guest house where excellent provisions for our stay had been made and ferried us to the Novotel Hotel I was so excited and light-headed that I was afraid that I would soon fall sick.
As soon as we alighted from the bus, we were ushered into the hotel lobby and courteously directed towards a section where we were handed brand new laptops and other computer peripherals. Gosh!!! Was I dreaming? No, I wasn’t. This was surreal but true. I wanted to start operating the laptop then and there just like a kid who becomes frisky when he/she has just been gifted a new toy but an announcement informed us that we need to assemble in the auditorium. I thought it would be a long, boring day which would require us to fill numerous forms and sit painstakingly through various presentations. None of my apprehensions came true. In fact, not only on that day but also during the course of the next four days of ‘Welcome to Deloitte’ (the induction program) we did nothing that can be classified as boring. We had interactive sessions with, believe it or not, the leaders in Deloitte and the Who’s Who of the world of taxation. We were addressed by Mr. Hari Kumar, Mr. Kevin Potter, Mr. Nathan, Mr. Eiran Wolfman and various other eminent people who not only told us about their professional journey but inspired us to take ownership of our careers at Deloitte and always take the initiative to innovate and take full advantage of the ‘Open Door Policy’ and freedom of choice and expression provided by Deloitte to its employees. Well! These sessions were enthralling and awe-inspiring and punctuated by numerous breaks and sumptuous lunch buffets. The four day long induction program ended on a fabulous note with the leaders gelling with the new hires and egging them on to perform to the best of their capabilities in the games – ya, you read it right, ‘GAMES’ – that were planned for us. The high-point of the day was a specially composed song for the new hires, the notes of which were rendered melodiously by Mr. David and his band members and which I am humming while penning down my thoughts in here.
Well! This was just the tip of the iceberg. The first day at office took my breath away even before it started. Deloitte Street is the name of the road on which our offices are situated. How many organizations can claim to have a road named after them in India? None comes to my mind. The four tall, gleaming, multi-storeyed, glass and concrete structures stood gallantly against the blue sky as if they were the sentries who had seen the Deloitte way in India and were testimony of the sanctity and stress that the firm lays on integrity and ethics. On entering the office we discovered the facilities that were nestled inside each of these buildings. It was mind boggling to find Barista, Café Coffee Day, Deli 9, a gymnasium, two ATMs, a huge multi cuisine cafeteria and a concierge department jostling against each other for space and attention. But the cherry on the cake was certainly the awesome people who always wore a smile and helped you at every turn which was something that I had never imagined after having being fed on stories about ruthlessly crazy career driven professionals by my already employed friends. A doubt crept into my mind then. Did people actually work here? All I could see was smiling faces and people having fun. Four months into the job, now I understand how Deloitte promotes the work-life balance.
The fourteen weeks of training that followed were brilliantly planned and executed by the learning team. Kudos to them. We were taught by professors flown down from the U.S. who endeared themselves to us over the course of three weeks so much that we didn’t want them to leave. Their farewell was marked with cake cutting, snaps being taken, gifts being exchanged and promises being made to each other to stay in touch through the medium of omnipresent social networking sites. Managers, seniors, professionals on rotation from different offices belonging to various countries, from diverse cultures and with varied periods and levels of experience taught us the nuances of U.S. taxation. The investment that the firm was making in its human resources was huge and apparent to all and sundry and we, the CSR batch, lapped up the knowledge being dished out to us. But, surely by now you must have guessed that it must not have been only learning during that period. You are correct. We were taken to Lahari Resorts and believe it or not the ‘Rain Dance’ turned out to be the event of the day with Kevin ‘the dude’ Potter being the cynosure of all eyes when he decided to shake a leg with all of us. Whew! This episode is clearly etched in my memory and will always remain special. The other incident which I will always cherish is when one of the leaders simply walked up to my friends and me in the cafeteria one day and asked us if he could join us for lunch. He chatted with us as if we were all long lost friends. This incident taught me that the firm with which I have decided to start my career has people who don’t just talk tall but who also practice what they preach.
That reminds me, the last four months has not only given me a lot of inspiration and self belief but it has also given me the most coveted relationship of humankind, ‘friendship’. I have met loads of people and have made numerous friends in office. Friends who take pains cajoling me out of my mood swings, who cheer and hoot wildly for me when I win an award for being an outstanding achiever during training, who get a cake to my doorstep in the middle of the night braving rains to celebrate my birthday, who make sure that my weekends are more hectic and exhausting than the weekdays and who have taken it upon themselves to link me up with every pretty female so that they can pull my leg. Thank you God and thank you all of you for being there.
I can go on and on about office and life and life in office and office cricket matches and team dinners and kick-off calls but I guess I would spare you the agony of reading all this until my next blog post. So, keep coming back!!!! I would love to end this special one with the following lines....


Now, I live my life and love work;
Office seems to have everything like the Noah's Ark.
-Tj

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"Phantoms In My Mind"

Am I afraid of the dark??? No. Am I afraid of challenges??? No. Am I afraid of speed??? No. Am I afraid of pain??? No. Am I afraid of you??? No. Am I afraid of me/myself??? Yes, I am. There are phantoms in my mind. What? Phantoms in my mind? Ya! There are phantoms in my mind. There are phantoms in my mind who are not afraid to prowl the terrains of my conscience by day or by night. They haunt me as if they have a right on me and my mind is their abode.
Phantoms. Phantoms. Everywhere!!!
Spirits of doubts. Ghouls of irritation. Ghosts of dismay. Mummies of distrust. Witches of betrayals and of course Phantoms of loneliness and despair.
Poking and prying in my brain. Trying to wriggle out answers to the multiple/endless questions that they have to pose. Slashing here. Scathing there. Prodding and clawing everywhere.
Their harried cries and ...
Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. I beg of you all. Please let me enjoy everything as they are : pure and untainted. Let me be normal once again and enjoy with my friends. Please don't trouble me and make me think so much. Please don't bother me and let me rest. Just for a while. Please let me have a deep, sound sleep. Please let me d..




P.S. This post was originally on Yahoo 360 before it closed down and hence has been shifted in here. It was written by me on the 4th of July, 2007

As Lonely as ME

How lonely can a person be? Under what circumstances can he be lonely? Can a person be lonely only when he is isolated/deserted/all by himself/alone or is he lonely even when he is in a room full of people or in a crowded market place? Can loneliness' claws grasp/grip a person when he is in a new place surrounded by strangers or can it also encompass him when he is in a familiar place full of people called F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
I am not a great philosopher nor a great thinker nor am I penning down my thoughts to impress anyone nor aiming for the Booker Prize. But these questions have been cropping up in my mind for the past few days and have left me thinking like a mad man. Day in and day out I have been thinking. Thinking. Thinking... The best way that I could stop this was by putting it down on paper. So here I am writing away when the world is sleeping away to glory.
Ya! The topic was LONELINESS. Well! This is a feeling which is worse than most other feelings coz many a times you don't/can't even understand why you are experiencing this feeling. I dont know about others but with me it is true. Most of the times I start feeling lonely all of a sudden and don't even know the cause of my predicament. I start searching for answers but the more I think the deeper I sink into the quicksand called loneliness.
But, the more you think and the deeper you sink, the results/answers become more and more startling. First, you don't believe these answers. You want to reassure yourself by telling that all this is false/trash but you try in vain. Then you start believing in their authenticity but slowly you realise that not only are these true but are facts of life.
YES. Loneliness is a part of life. It is omnipresent and always there surrounding you, waiting/lurking to pounce on you. You just have to allow your thoughts to drift a bit and lo! you realise how very lonely you are in this vast expanse of flora and fauna. It is only for you to realise all this and you will understand that this feeling is always surrounding you...





P.S. This post was originally written by me on 2nd September, 2006. I had to move it in here as Yahoo 360 closed shop.

This one's for God's finest gift to us : Our Moms'

"Mother", this six lettered word is undoubtedly the most comforting and according to me the most 'love-giving' word in the English language. It is so b'coz the very mention of this word fills our heart with joy, doesn't it? Well for me and I have no doubts for all of you this word is the most precious word in your vocabulary. In fact my calling it a word is an insult. It isn't merely a word. It is in fact a source of unending love, undying faith, unrealistic support, unimaginable inspiration, unselfish encouragement and so much more. The words starting with un' will run out but a mother's love for her child, her faith in her child, her support for him/her will never ever end.
I am writing all this on the occassion of my mom's birthday (11th of October) as a tribute not only to my mom but to all mom's. Thank you, all of you, for being there for us when we don't have anyone else to fall back on, when we don't know what to do next, when we think we are lost, when we have lost all hope to redeem a situation and then when you emerge as a pillar of strength, like a light which not only supports us, guides us, encourages us but also teaches us how to deal with the challenges which have been strewn by the Almighty himself in our journey of Life.
You do all this so very unselfishly, never wanting anything in return. I just wonder how you all are so very good. I just wish we could also inculcate this noble trait from you. If we can, then more than half of man's troubles will be over and the Earth will be transformed into Heaven. But let's talk about Utopia later on and not deviate from the topic that is u mom(s').
I can never ever repay you for what you have been doing for me over the years (not that you expect anything). Even though I don't ever bother to thank you mom for whatever you do for me. I know you don't expect it from me but let me take this oppurtunity to thank you for everything that you have done for me.
I will always be grateful to you and am sorry for whatever wrong I might have done. I love you a lot and will continue doing so and will always return to you at the slightest hint of trouble. I love you mom.
Happy Birthday, Maa. Take Care, bestest friend.




P.S. This post was originally written by me on 11th Oct., 2005 which happens to be the birthday of the bestest mom on this whole wide world. I had to move it in here as Yahoo 360 closed down which was where I had started blogging.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bye bye 2009!!!

“Bye bye 2009. Thank u fr being gud to me. U brought me sorrows n happinezz but I guess d moments of bliss completely overweighed the grey days. U got me frnds n non-frnds (ppl nwadays dnt wanna make enemies) ;) but the frnds helped me to tide ova dose bad days n frget n frgive the non-frnds who came along. M sad dat ur leavin but m happy dat u r egging me on to embrace a new beginnin', encouragin' me to challenge higher limits, givin' me the strength to strive harder to make paradigm changes (hopefully) n tellin' me dat not yet securin' a job is aftr all not the end of Terra Firma. Here's a toast to u dear 2009. Hic! Hic! Hurr....(drop to the floor). M so happy high.”

-Tj

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Beautiful Face

The Beautiful Face

16/01/2010

04:05a.m.

About 10 minutes back, I was about to call it an early night (by my standards), was inside the sheets, had switched off the lights and was about to say my prayers. Just before that I decided to set the alarm & check my messages. After all, today is gonna be the D-Day. Farewell MBA and IBS!!! Scrolling through the inbox my eyes opened wide when I saw a name which seemed so very out of place. Who was it? The letters spelt out the name as ‘CRYSTAL’. My mind tried to associate the name with a face, a place, something familiar but my heart knew it immediately who it was.

It was the name of a person whom nearly a year back I knew nothing about & presently too I dunno much about. It was the name of a person who had gone out of her way to show to show that humanity will always bond people together irrespective of their colour, creed, religion or the soccer club that they root for.

I remember the morning of 12th January, 2009 clearly. Waking up in the room allotted to me in the Boys Hostel of TAPMI, Manipal & getting ready to drop off Pooja to the Mangalore airport. We left the campus around 12 noon with me clutching on to a sketch, hand-drawn by Snoopy, to help me get back here after seeing off Pooja. Pooja and I chatted along inside the cab for the greater part of the 2 hour drive to the airport & then had lunch at the deli adjoining the airport. Her flight took off as scheduled at 03:15p.m. & by 3p.m. I was pretty much on my own as the security personnel did not allow me in.

It was a hot afternoon even though it was January. The afternoon sun seemed to blaze in all its glory & seemed to mock the wisps of clouds that were to be seen in the otherwise bald sky. I took out the sketch with sweaty fingers & considered my options while slowly walking towards the auto stand, careful, not to look uncertain. There were 4 options of which I immediately ruled out the 1st which was to take a cab back to the campus. Why? You would ask. Go ahead, ask. First, I have always loved adventure & 2nd it would have set me back by Rs.800. I took an auto to Bachpe instead (this was the 2nd alternative & the beginning of something which would indeed be remarkable). Chatting casually, I asked the auto driver about the bus that would take me to Mangalore from Bachpe. He coolly replied that the frequency of that bus was not as much as I would have thought & that for Rs.300 he would drop me to Mangalore. I insisted on getting off at Bachpe. He dropped me at the bus stop, took his due and left me standing there with other locals. I waited patiently wishing that the bus arrived quickly but it seems the driver’s words were gonna be true after all. One, two, …., four, five, red, blue, multi-coloured, plastered with posters, no.2, no.108, no.8, buses bearing all types of different identification marks came & went but the ones to Mangalore seemed to have had conspired against me.

The afternoon sun was beating down on me & I was slowly cursing myself to have got myself into this situation. Time & again I asked different people about the bus but everyone seemed clueless. It was not that they weren’t trying to help me, but when they used to speak to me all I could do was either gawk at them or nod my head stupidly as I could not understand a single syllable of what they spoke.

Restlessness was creeping into my system & time and again I found myself pacing all around the bus stand, looking at road signs, peering into the sketched map & trying to look unaffected. Must have been a sight to behold!!!!

At around 4:45p.m., a bus came & I spoke to the driver. He told me that this bus was going part of the way & I could hop in if I wanted. I was not sure but still I boarded the shaky, battered steel monster which had so many other people in its belly. Farmers, village folk, school children, old men, sneezing kids, ladies, bawling toddlers & yes the most irritating character in all buses, the conductor.

When he came & asked me where I wanted to go it hit me that I didn’t know the place for which I needed to take a ticket. I wanted to ask the driver but it was too crowded to reach him. Somehow, I explained it to the conductor & he gave me a ticket worth Rs.8 & a cold stare which seemed to question the sanity, morality & the values of the urban Indian youth in the very same manner as most Indian prime time soaps (inspired by the ‘famous’ K-series saga) do. I clutched on to the ticket as if it was a life line. Oh! By the way, the place where I was supposed to alight was called Mulky. On the way, some people got down & I stood near the driver, peering out through the windshield. I must admit that I have always have had bizarre experiences but had never felt as helpless & clueless as I was feeling at that point of time.

It was at this moment that someone tapped me on my back. I turned around & saw a bespectacled lady looking up at me from her seat. I quickly checked if I was standing on her toes or her cream coloured saree. Negative! I looked up at her face & saw that she must be around 50 years old. You never know with ladies & of course you should never ask them. Anyways, she spoke first & asked me where I wanted to go? God! Was I taken aback? She was the 1st human being in almost 2 hours who had spoken something which did not sound gibberish to me. It was English. I replied to her query. She asked everything & I told her everything. I had decided by now that had no more reason to try & act cool. Crystal, as she introduced herself to me informed me something that made things even more interesting. She told me that there had been a murder of some local politician the night before & all buses were taking a diverted route through the jungle & that if roadblocks were removed & the mob relented only then could we reach Mulky. Moreover, the route taken was a one way so I was virtually trapped into a point of no return.

This piece of news hit me like lightning & whatever little courage I had mustered just vanished into thin air, leaving me quaking in my boots. Crystal asked me to sit down next to her when the person beside her got off & started talking to me. She told me that she taught kids in a primary school & that she was on her way back home. Though this was not her daily route, she had come this way as she needed to visit the church along with some of her friends because of some reason which I can no longer remember. When she spoke her eyes danced. There was a twinkling in them. She was so very calm & composed that I was afraid that my palpable tensions would upset her. Her voice was soothing & as affectionate as a mother’s when she is trying to mollify her baby. Her face glowed as if it had an aura about it. The more time passed & the more I interacted with her, the courage that had deserted me slowly seemed to creep back, the blood in my body seemed to be flowing again & the hair on my neck & forearms which were standing at their ends settled down into peaceful slumber. I clung on to her words & opened up to this unknown lady, in the middle of nowhere, much against the teachings (read : threats & warnings) that are imparted to an Indian kid with a middle class upbringing, imploring him not to talk or have anything to do with strangers.

Around 30 minutes or what seemed like so later, Crystal called up someone. After making the call she told me that she had called up her nephew & that he would drop me off to Mangalore or even up to Manipal on his bike if I could not reach Mulky or get any other form of transport. She gave me her cell phone number as well as took mine so that even after she alighted from the bus at the next stop she could know how I was doing. Before getting off the bus, she explained to the conductor where I needed to get off & shook my hands & wished me luck. I waved at her from the window & saw her crossing the street & enter the church. I never knew when I would see her again or whether I would get to hear her again as I had started rejoicing by now as it was clear that the bus would drop me off to Mulky. This information had been given to me by Crystal when she spoke to the conductor before alighting from the bus. Soon, I reached Mulky & then took an express coach to Manipal & in the next one hour or so I was in familiar terrain. During this time Crystal had called me twice as soon as she had finished praying & again later.

I never spoke to her again until June 2009. No one knows about her except for Snoopy. When I called her up in June she was delighted & after disconnecting the line I found my heart aglow with a kind of lightness & joy which I have never yet experienced. It was very different from the happiness which you get when your parents hug you after you return home from college for the semester break, when your siblings embrace you when you don’t tell on them & keep their lil’ secrets & crushes a secret, when your team mates pick you up on their shoulders when you score a goal in extra time or hit a sixer off the last ball of the match to win it or when you pick up an improbable looking volleyball drop or smash, when you share your first kiss, when you have a heart to heart chat with your best friend, when you buy a n old man food or when you go on a long drive with your beloved & know that she loves you for being what you are & will forever do so unconditionally. The joy & peace I experienced was something totally different. Something inexplicable. Something so pure & holy that I associate it with God himself. Yes! I believe Crystal is a fairy. She touched me & blessed me. Her gauzy wings & halo I could not see but the light that emanated from her took away my fears that day. I believe you are my fairy GODMOTHER. And I am glad I got out of bed & penned this down today (tonight).

P.S. I am sorry that it took so so long for me to do this. I dunno whether you’ll ever read this or we’ll ever meet again but I mean every word I have written above and I’ll always remember you, I promise. May God always treat you well & bless your life.

16/01/2010

06:03a.m.

Tj